Monday, 23 July 2007

Lawrence Addo, the poor poor man

Unfortunately, I have lost the original message from Mr. Addo, and as bad as it probably was, I am going to fill you in myself: Mr. Addo's wife/father/business partner had a lot of money in a security company/offshore bank obtained from over invoiced contracts/inheritance/somewhere else. This type of 419 is known as the "Dead Bank Customer", due to the fact that the scammers usually claim to be bankers.

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail and interest to finalize this transaction. I understood all you said but I want you to understand that the funds will not be released by me rather it is by the bank where I had worked for before retirement so my major reason for contacting you is to stand as the beneficiary to the said funds thus I don't need your account details.
All that you need to do is to follow the steps I have laid down for this transaction to be concluded as this transaction is simple and straight as my major concern now is to get well again as I require good medical attention in a good hospital abroad.
All that I need from you is your strong assurance that my part of the fund will be kept intact for me upon my arrival to meet you once the transaction is concluded as I promise to be truthful and honest to you and I expect you to treat me accordingly.
My contact address is 23 Achimota residential Takoradi, Accra , Ghana and my phone number is +233 249240475.
I want you to send your contact details to me (your phone no, address, copy of your international passport or driver's license) as it will be required in the processing of this transaction.
Thanks as I will appreciate a call from you so that we can discuss on some issues concerning this transaction.
Mr. Lawrence Addo.

(They usually ask for telephone numbers and passports. I don't know why, but they always do. I had to tell him I had no phone, but gave him an internet voicemail number)

I am afraid I cannot call you as I do not use the phone, but feel free to leave me a voice mail at 07092891875.

Awaiting instructions
Johan H.Mollasses

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Hope you are in good condition as I was wondering why I have not heard from you concerning my previous mail so that you can contact the bank as time is of essence.
Thanks and have a wonderful weekend,
Mr. Lawrence Addo.

(Expletives oh no! Knorr is a brand of sauce, but 'Johan' is Danish, and I thought it sounded Norse... Chomp & Assoc is an entirely fictitious company. Graphic design and creative advertising solutions )

How the fuck exactly can I contact the bank if you have not provided the contact details???
Holy Knor, its a wonder you get any business done with an attitude like that Lawrence

Chomp & Assoc.

(He tries to be a little high and mighty, the pompous git)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail but please the way you use some words doesn’t give a good reputation because we have ethics over here. The problem here is the communication gap as I am aware that I have not provided you with the bank details for you to be able to be in touch with them.
I was waiting for you to send a copy of your driver’s license or a copy of your international passport like I did send across to you as it is required for documentation purpose and once it is received I will send the details of the bank so that you can contact them.
You should not be harsh to me at least because of my present health condition.
Have a nice day,

(Threats against the head of state, and made up Danish laws)

I already told you that I cannot provide you with any official ID, and I could name the pieces of legislation that prevent me from copying my ID in any way, and another two preventing me from keeping digital scans of ID

Give me the goddam bank details, or I will have Gaz go down there and punch your president.

Chomp & Assoc

(He replies simply)

Sorry, I can't do this with you.

(Oh No! What a terrible shame, but it doesn't end there. I was having none of it)

You are funny my friend. You think I will break two national laws so I can send you ID. You contacted me saying you thought I was trustworthy, so why can you not seem to trust me and send me the contact details for the bank. I do not need your money, I own a billion doller advertising and graphic design company, but I thought I would do you a favour, as it seems that you are in dire need of help

I am very sorry that you do not wish to continue with me, but if you want to be petty over some identification, then I will leave you to kick and cry about passports in your cot. You are clearly not a big enough man to handle a real business deal, so I think I will take my services elsewhere.

Johan H. Mollasses
Chomp & Assoc

(He is being a stickler, he really wants some ID. And he brought up the whole phone thing)

First to answer your question: I do not use phones due to a failed assassination attempt, in which the plotters pumped a nerve agent through a modified telephone reciever. You can leave me voicemail at 07092891875 though.

I will happily provide Identification in person, if either I travel to your country, or I can find a bank rep in Denmark, but I cannot send a computer scan of it, due to the Data Protection Act, section 914. Also, why do you demand a scan of an ID, someone could easily just create a fake ID using image editing software, so this is not a very secure method of identifying people.
If you let me contact the bank personally, I will work something out, as I am quite a powerful man in some circles

Chomp & Assoc.

(I explained it up a notch, bam!)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
I have thought about concluding this transaction with you but doesn’t understand so many things like: The telephone number that you asked me to drop a voice mail which I have tried several times but it doesn’t go through, please I will prefer that you call me on my number +233 249240475 so that I can hear your voice or may be a text message.
I want you to tell me a little about yourself as it is better I know certain things about you, we all know that there are people out there that can fake their identity but in this case it is better I know since we are going into a business transaction that involves lots of money.
There is also an important issue concerning this transaction as I will prefer a situation where you can receive this money in cash although it requires you travel out of your country but come to think of it if the bank wants to contact you via telephone, is it not possible?
Don’t blame me for my curiosity as this transaction matters a whole lot to me and my family.
I look forward to your response so that I can give you further details.

(Everythings going wrong for the poor man)

I cannot phone you as I do not use the phone. I do not use the phone as a man tried to kill me via a phone handset.

A little about me: I was born 18th April, 1970 in a housing estate in the north of Copenhagen. I grew up reasonably normally, got good marks in school, in Business management and computer design, so I founded a fledgling graphic design studio, we did pamphlets and small deals, and gradually grew. We now have offices in New York, Aberdeen, Paris and Slough. I am a bachelor, and number 13 on the list of Denmark's hundred richest businessmen.
My two closest friends are my childhood friend and now executive corporate lawyer, Pedro Melflecko, and my assistant/bodyguard/head of security, Gareth "Gaz" McPherson. I have had no less than 12 attempts on my life, which is odd, because I am a friendly man. I live happily in a penthouse apartment in the center of the city, which I share with my girlfriend, Hailee, and my Iguana, Fil.

My number for voicemail or fax is 07092891875

Johan Mollasses
Chomp & Assoc.

(All names are made up by me, and I have no idea who really is Denmark's 13th richest man)

Dear Johan Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail as I understood all you said but has one question. Since you have two close friends who also work with you, I want to know if they are aware of this transaction. Secondly, can you be able to finalize this transaction abroad as in receiving the money in cash may be here in my country or in any of the bank payment annex in Europe or Asia. The major reason for this is because you will have to be able to identify yourself thus it will also be better that way though I’m only suggesting as we can also go ahead with a bank to bank transfer as I believe this transaction can be concluded before next week runs out.
I look forward to your mail so that we can go ahead with conclusion.
Thanks and you should understand that I am curious.

(I understand that he is curious.)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Hope you are in good condition as I was wondering why I have not heard from you concerning my previous mail as it will enable us proceed with the transaction.
Mr. Lawrence Addo.

(I didn't reply for a couple of days, I had some better things to do >.<)


I am very sorry that I did not respond. I was unexpectedly out of the office for a few days, as it seems that someone in the marketing department was feeding information to a rival, so I personally saw to it that his thumbs were cut off. It may seem awfully harsh to you, but business here is very hard to come buy, and I always have to keep my edge. It would be easy enough for me to travel to anywhere in Europe or Asia, so I can continue the transaction anywhere you deem fit. As to your question of who knows about this transaction; Gaz has the full details, Pedro doesn't yet know, he will just meddle with you, as he can get very paranoid about people, and Hailee only knows the bare bones, as she does not ask about business much.

Chomp & Assoc

(I had to have a thumb-cutting somewhere, I am supposed to be a businessman)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail, well I must commend you with the nature in which you go about your business as I like that are focused in life. I have gone through your mail and want to inform you that I will prefer a situation where this transaction will be concluded in Europe or Asia though I will prefer Asia due to the monetary policy over there. I have to start making arrangement by Monday towards this because I want this transaction to be concluded in such a manner that you will receive the money in cash. I will make adequate preparation towards the documentation and approval of the funds to be paid to you as the beneficiary to the said funds.
I hope this transaction will be concluded soon.
Regards and have a wonderful weekend.
Mr. Lawrence Addo.

(He doesn't seem bothered that I cut off peoples thumbs, okay...)


Great. Just tell me when and where to be to conclude the transaction, and I will do my best to be there, and fulfill my duties as beneficiary.

Chomp & Assoc

(Reassure him a bit, you know)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail, I will let you know all the details by the end of the day.

(Which he doesn't)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
I was able to make all arrangement and I want to inform you that this transaction will be concluded in U.A.E because of it’s monetary policy as I will like to take care of myself over there and also put in money into a viable business in Dubai but one important issue here is your ID because there is no way everything will be concluded without a proper identification.
You should make up your mind in regards to this because you are like my partner and I have to give you the necessary information required.
I look forward to your mail for further details.

(He is not getting any ID)

I will produce identification when it is needed. I will take my passport (obviously) and my drivers license. When should I come, to where, and how will I know who you are.
Is it ok if Gaz, my close friend and bodyguard, accompanies me. He will be armed, but we have all the necessary paperwork for the customs staff.

I look forward to meeting you my friend

Chomp & Assoc

(Armed bodyguard only used here to scare him a little)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail, well I wish to inform you that you can go with your bodyguard when the time comes as what we have to do right now is to procure the required documents on your behalf as the beneficiary to the funds and also an approval for the payment to be made out to you in cash and in doing so I will require either a copy of your passport or Driver’s license. Once we procure the documents then you will be informed on when to travel to receive the money like I informed you.
I would have preferred a situation where you call me on my number so that I can speak with you and explain everything to you, may be your bodyguard can call and will tell you what I said if you cannot talk directly as he can act as a mediator.

(Or not, whatever)


I have told you countless times two things: 1. I do not use the phone
2. I cannot provide you with copies of my ID, it is against national law.

Hope to hear from you soon

(Not that hard to understand is it?)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,

I don’t understand what you meant by national law in regards to your id as it will help me out in facilitating the documentation. If we get approval then how will the funds be paid to you without identification.
You are making things difficult as time is of essence.

(He is clearly an idiot)


I can provide the ID in person, but the law in my country prevents me from copying official ID in any form. If I do, I can be fined indefinitely, or jailed for up to 20 years.

No ID over the computer, only if I meet you, or the company in person

Chomp & Assoc

(Lets hope he gets the message this time, eh?)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail, I have gone through your mail but did not quite understand the law you are talking about in regards to U.S.A or your own country. If you assure me to go ahead with the transaction in regards to making you the beneficiary of the funds and you receiving the money in U.A.E then how will you be contacted apart from email when once you are to be invited for the pick up of the funds thus a phone number will be required as it will be the fastest medium of communication. If you are requested to come for the pick up, then you will be required to identify yourself when you get to the payment location.
I am not giving any assurance in regards to getting the paper work done in your name without an id until everything is in motion or better still you can come down to my country so that we both can finalize all arrangements without delay.

(I never had any plan to go to the UAE, but you knew that)

The Data Protection Act, a legal piece of legislation, deemed it illegal for any form of official Danish identification to be reproduced in any shape or form, in whole or in part. Breaking this LAW can result in a large fine, or a lot of jail time. I cannot provide copies of my id because of this. Is that so hard to understand.

I cannot use the phone because someone TRIED TO KILL ME using a modified receiver. Email is fine though. I can come to the U.A.E, but I will need a few days notice to arrange travel and accommodation for myself and Gaz.

To summarize: No ID over the computer, no phone, I would love to come to the U.A.E

Chomp & Assoc

(All horrible lies)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail, like I said before I will see if it is possible to get the documentations without an Id thus if everything goes as plan without delay then that means you ought to be in U.A.E by next week. I will keep you informed on the development so that you can make proper arrangement in regards to your traveling.
I will keep you informed,

(He'd better)


Thank you for your help, I will start clearing my schedule for the coming weeks

Chomp & Assoc

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
I will keep you informed on any development.

(Helpful man isn't he?)

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
I want to inform you about the time schedule concerning the conclusion of the transaction. You should start making traveling arrangement towards next week as this business transaction will be concluded by then. The approval for the payment ought to be released by Friday or latest on Monday morning as I was informed thus as soon as that has been granted then the deposit will leave for its payment location.

(He tried to sound intelligent, and failed)


Great, I'll have my secretary start looking out tickets for Gaz and I.

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail, well I want to let you know that all arrangement in regards to the documentation will be procured by Monday thus once received, I will send the document across to you but there is also another issue concerning the delivery of the funds as it requires a fee though it will not be taken care of over here rather at the payment location. The only thing required here is that part payment will be made out over here and the balance paid at the delivery location as I have been informed because of the courier service. I wanted to let you on time because by Monday I will know the actual cost for the delivery so that you can make adequate arrangement concerning the funds because right now I am not in a position to come up with any funds because of my state of health as I know what I went through to be able to raise the funds for the documentation on your behalf.


This is no problem, as money is no object to me. After we have concluded business in the UAE, Gaz and I will probably go sightseeing a bit, so we will just take a credit card to cover all costs. I await your mail on Monday

Dear Johan H.Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail, I will keep you informed.

(I wish he would stop saying that)

Dear Johan Mollasses,
Sorry that I couldn’t get back to you yesterday like I informed you due to power failure yesterday as we had a problem with the transformer though it will be rectified by today. Well all is set for the conclusion of this transaction as the approval has been granted for the payment delivery to you. The delivery charge for the payment is $16,400 as been informed thus a deposit has to be made for the courier and the remaining will be completed at the payment location. A minimum deposit of $2,500 is acceptable, so I want to let you know so that you will arrange for the funds.
I want you to acknowledge this mail so that I will let you know how to get the money across for the deposit.
I look forward to your mail as I will send to you the document procured once I am able to scan the document.

(Delivery charge? In a scam? Never!)


This is all ok, but I can easily let you reclaim the deposit, and pick up the consignment myself, as was the plan. Please send me the street address of the people holding the money, and I will go and see them myself, or with you, and collect it, avoiding this charge.
Please send these details as soon as possible so as not to interrupt my schedule too much

Thank you in advance

(Not biting)

Dear Johan Mollasses,
Thanks for the mail, well I think you have said it all as it will be better that you come down to Ghana and take care of things in person because the approval we wanted was for the payment to be made out in an offshore payment center thus it’s better that you come down here and take care of everything. Why trying to say things the other way round when I informed you about the development at hand.
I look forward to your mail.

(Ghana? What happened to the UAE? I can't keep up)


I was told, by you no less than a week ago, that the transaction would take place in the UAE, no one ever said anything about going to Ghana, ever, at no point. I am getting tired of you springing things like this on me. Do not test my patience little man, are y too small for a transaction like this? Should I deal with your superior?

I am rather annoyed at you

(I genuinely was a little peeved)

Dear Johan Mollasses,
Why must you talk that way, yes the transaction was scheduled for UAE but the problem was that a part payment was meant to be taken care of for the delivery and you said you will like to take care of it on your own which was the reason why I suggested that you come down to Ghana and take care of things in person. You should be polite in addressing people.

(I am beginning to dislike him)

Dear Johan Mollasses,
Why the silence?

(Because you are a git)

I am very angry with you lawrence, very very angry.
I think you should apologise

(I hadn't responded for about a week)

Dear Johan Mollasses,
Apologize for what, my dear you should know how you deal with people. Why can’t you come out straight so that we do things like matured men. I have told you about everything and you are causing some delays. Is better you come to my country and finalize things yourself or you comply to my directives so that this deposit can leave here for UAE without further delays.
(What a tosser)

Thought you were a business man, how you just keep quiet on the pending issue.


I'm sorry about not responding, but much of my property and assets were seized by the police in a raid on June 29. I have only just had them released/unfrozen. Something about mob connections, none of the convictions sat though. If you no longer want to this deal then I am more than happy to go out and spend the money I had put aside for expenses during this transaction.

I am a business man, but it seems that you are a rookie in the world of international relations.

RULE1: You do not tell your business partner to go to a country, only to change your mind on the country after he has booked the tickets.

RULE2: You do not demand passport scans from people who have expressly said that it is against the law

RULE3: You most certainly do not talk down to your business partner (when he is much more successful and experienced than you)

I hope this will help any future relationships you may forge. I am sorry you no longer want to deal with me, although I am still somewhat angry at you for pestering me into going to the UAE, and then telling me to go to Ghana, or you will demand courier costs from me. As for those last two letters, your ignorance never ceases to amaze me you tiny little man. I would, if possible, like to know the email address of your superior, so I could have an adult conversation with a mature and well adjusted man, unlike yourself


Chomp & Assoc.
Registered since 1989

(I hadnt responded in a month or so. The whole Ghana thing was the beginning of the end, really)


(That was not a little infuriating)

As unbeleivably helpful as one-word replies are, you hollow answer leaves me with several drilling questions;

1) What is going on with the transfer and stuff?
2) Why have you not apologized for wasting my money on a wild goose chase through the United Arab Emirates?
3) Do I still have to come to Ghana?

I hope that your reply to this will be slightly more syllable rich.

(Take that)

This business is not meant for the POOR.

(I'm *sniffle* so *sob* hurt)

That really made me laugh. I have more money than your sniveling greedy 419ing eyes will ever see. I have a real job, I don't just sit at an internet cafe all day trying to make rich Americans (or in my case, Danish) hand over their money for "courier fees" or "demmurage". You are a poor poor sad tiny little mugu who cannot pay his oga because his scams are so shit, so he has to pimp out his dad to his neighbors.

It has been a pleasure wasting your time "Lawrence", and I hope you may have learned something here over these past few months.

Your sincerely,
Peter (or "Johan" if you like)

(I let him in on my little secret, oops)

You don't have money ok, you are out there washing plates and a waiter. Is that a real job, what have you achieved as an individual.
Listen if you know me, you will like me to teach you certain things in life than making little money for the sake of it.
I repeat you are nobody in the society.
How much is your income, do you make up $50,000.00 a month you little rat.

(He isn't happy with me is he?)

I am a functioning member of my society, with quite a well paying job. You are detrimental to your society, sitting in internet cafes in your cheap jacket and plastic shoes, the only money you make are the pennies you find on the street when your oga throws you out of his house after fucking your mum.

To be truly honest with you, I am 15 years old, from Scotland, and I like to spend my spare time winding up retarded mugus like you. My name is Peter, not Johan, and Mollasses are a kind of shoe.

I hope that you gained something from this monumental waste of your time, and I am glad to inform you that nobody ever falls for scams like this any more, thanks to sites like, where I hope to publish this little conversation. It has been fun winding you up, and I hope the next person you kack-handedly fool gets better treatment than me.


(Thats how it goes)

Thanks you for everything as i wish you all the best in your endervours. You must be a brilliant boy for you to have such a wonderful brain. How did you come with the words "mugu" and "Oga"
You're a smart boy.
Keep it up and you should study Law or Philosophy in tertiary institution.
I don't wear plastic shoe neither do i have Oga but why saying someone fucking my mum when i have not said such thing to you.
Have a pleasant weekend.

(Now he talks down to me, bad idea)

It has been a pleasure.

Mugu(n) - slang, derogatory term made popular by the recent insurgance of 419 scam. Used to describe someone who has fallen for said scam. Also used by scam-baiters to describe said scammer

Oga(n) - slang, used to describe a 419 scammers superior, often the owner of the internet cafe where s/he does their work. A scammer often has to answer to them for failing

You truly are a foul foul man. Does it not even bother you a tiny bit that a teenager from Scotland has been playing you like a Playstation for nigh on two months. I hope you die in a gutter, stripped of yr possesions by the police, alone and afraid. It is honestly what people like you deserve

I am studying GCSE Physics and Geography, and I hope to get a Masters degree in Astrophysics

Have a nice day "Lawrence", and I hope that nobody is gullible enough to fall for your crummy attempts at 419 ever again.


(Dictionary definitions of popular 419 slang)

Thought you were a friend, so why wish me bad when i wish you the best. Don't make me angry with you Peter.

(Now he wants me to be nice?)

Or what, you'll swear at me in broken english

I wish you bad because you prey on gullible and vulnerable individuals to get money dishonestly, there is no way I could ever wish that well.



Mind your language. I have not said bad to you and you wish me bad. Respect yourself ok

(Chiggety check yo'self before you wreck yo'self)

I am minding my language, and I find it highly appropriate to call you a cock fumbling shit kicker.
Why don't you get a real career, like a shop owner, or entrepreneur instead of failing miserably at 419?
I respect myself, I just don't respect you

Peace out knobend

(And thus the saga ends, as far as I am aware)

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